Moments on a Stage
by henriettaline
Summary: Weird how the first thing she'd ever sung to him was also basically the last thing she'd said to him. Some musings, post-Breakup. Spoilers for 4.04. Oneshot.


_A/N: just a short piece, based on an observation.  
Song lyrics from "You're the One that I Want," written by John Farrar.  
I have no ownership of the Glee characters, events, and quotes used herein. Or of the observation, which may be foreshadowing._

* * *

Standing alone on stage, sheet music strewn at his feet.

Before she came he'd been looking through it, hoping he could find something to relate to, something to sing. He never should have stopped singing, even if it had made him think of her too much, even if he'd been unable to see himself in music since... well, since he'd decided to let her go, once he got the rejection letter from Pace.

But he'd had no trouble zeroing right in on the musical to do, and he felt good about that. It seemed like the first solid decision he'd made in ages, and he'd made it almost without having to think about it, it had just felt right. So that was something.

Of course it brought back memories, of joining Glee, of meeting Rachel.

_You better shape up, 'cause I need a man..._

**That is not being a man, Finn.**

Weird how the first thing she'd ever sung to him was also basically the last thing she'd said to him. All here, on this stage.

_... and my heart is set on you..._

**You are my first love. And I want more than anything for you to be my last.**

**But I can't do this anymore. At least not now.**

**We're done.**

His phone was in his pocket, full of ignored calls and unreturned texts. He'd tried to think of something to tell her, while he'd been in the choir room, before the others had come in, but he hadn't known what to say. So easy to put it off, when he didn't know what to say.

So easy to run.

Like he'd run off when he'd kissed her that first time, and gotten too excited and so very embarrassed. Just run off, asked her not to tell anyone, tried to ignore how much doing this would hurt her.

Like he'd run away – **you're a scared little boy**, she'd told him then, though that was in the halls not here – when he'd been overwhelmed by her the first time they'd tried being boyfriend and girlfriend, in the wake of Babygate and Sectionals. He had been so mixed up already, then he'd gotten scared, she'd been right about that. He'd pulled away, then found the time he'd taken to figure out what he wanted, what he _needed_, was too long.

Like he'd walked away from her here when she'd been trying to make up with him in song, that horrible Christmas after she'd kissed Puck and he'd been too hurt to want to deal with it, and everything he'd done for the next few months had turned out to be a huge mistake.

Like how he'd avoided her once the army had pushed him out, feeling so humiliated, unable to face her. But when he had, he'd felt so out of place, yeah there was the issue with that Brody dude hanging around that she admitted she'd kissed, but that wasn't really it. And she'd dragged him to NYADA, and that just made him feel worse, he didn't belong and she did, and so... when he'd found out about Brody, and realized he'd probably interrupted something the other night when he'd arrived, he'd just... walked away. Frozen her out, even when in bed next to her, and then sneaked out before she woke.

Running away. He'd done that a lot.

He'd been buoyed a little when she'd shown up, that she'd taken all that trouble to track him down, even though it was too soon and he still wasn't ready to talk to her. But she'd been pissed that he'd made it so hard, that he'd made her do all that. That he hadn't stopped to think how it would make her feel, any of those times, really, that he'd run away from her again.

_You better shape up, you better understand..._

Maybe if he hadn't been so unsure, if he'd been able to send one text, just to tell her that he was trying to think things over and figure out what to do with his life, she wouldn't have said they were done. Even though he'd been thinking that it was inevitable, it was still such a blow when she said it.

For now. She did say for now, right? She said she wanted him to be her last love, still. Present tense even. And she'd kissed him, one more time. It hadn't felt like it was supposed to be the last time.

_... to my heart I must be true..._

She didn't want to be with that Brody guy instead, she wanted to be with him, even though he didn't know why. But she didn't want him when he was like this. It's not like he had let her be with him, she'd thought she was going to marry him and he put her on a train, he showed up at her door and she hoped he'd stay but there was nothing for him there. She begged him to sing with her, and that's always been their thing, and he refused. So afraid of not measuring up that he couldn't bring himself to try. So sure there's nothing for him there.

Not that there's anything for him anywhere else either. Not that anyone else would want him, if the one girl who loved him more than anything had been forced to give up on them. Not that he wanted anyone else, or the dull future that staying in Lima as a Lima Loser would mean. He'd wanted more ever since he met her, ever since he joined Glee and found that you could have dreams. Except right now he didn't have dreams, he didn't dare, his last dreams had been having her and redeeming his dad, and look how those turned out. He didn't have anything now.

**You have you.**

_Nothing else, nothing else for me to do..._

Time to stop running and man up, Hudson.

If you can figure out how.


End file.
